Infinite Monkeys

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Saturday, May 31, 2003
 
This is a pretty good discussion of cocktail garnishes. You'd be amazed how hard that is to find. You'd probably be amazed someone would look.

The site promises that if you go through all the articles, you'll be a "competent bartender." As Ben likes to say, they may well be right. Of course, he says this when he thinks you're wrong. But it's a good site. Not perfect, but then, you can't have nice things.

(The purpose of this post if primarily to spur Ben into a defense of his trademark quotes).


 
I'll post these two links without comment:
Article from January predicting 500,000 casualties in Iraq
Worst case estimate of actual casualties
(Well, one comment: IraqBodyCount's methodology is pathetic, and is probably overstating the number).


 
I was taking a walk today, and noticed something--there's a lot more litter around. It had been in the back of my mind for a while. I'm always seeing cans or potato chip bags. When I was a kid, dammit, we had respect. Well, really, we just had it drilled into our heads that someone who littered was as bad as a serial killer. Of course, now kids have tons of messages like that--drug buyers are serial killers, SUV drivers are serial killers, smokers are secondhand serial killers...littering must not seem so bad. Maybe they need to bring back that crying indian.


Friday, May 30, 2003
 
Oh yeah, Touch my monkey!

Touch him!

Love him!


 
I wish I could proudly say I Want A Monkey!. So I clicked on the link, and found this:

"Primates are one of the most attractive animals in our animal kingdom.  But, they are unpredictable, destructive, expensive and they need a lot of care and attention."

Okay, kind of off-putting so far. Beautiful, yet unpredictable, destructive, expensive, and needy. Hmmm. Sounds like I've already got at least two monkeys living in my house right now (not counting myself). Let's see what else they've got to say:

"Since some of them can live for over 40 years, they truly are a life-time commitment.  Are you the person that is willing to spend most of his free time with his monkey?"

I used to spend most of my free time "with my monkey", which is one of the reasons I started blogging...


Monday, May 26, 2003
 
This is neither a boast nor a confession, just a statement: I have never seen a single episode, or portion thereof, of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This has not really been intentional: I bow my head in shame when I admit how many episodes of The Gilmore Girls I've watched in hotel rooms during my travels. But never Buffy, never Angel. And, for that matter, never reality TV. If you don't count clips which air on other shows, I literally have not seen a single minute of any reality series since the second season of The Real World back when I was young and stupid(er). I don't know how this Survivor compares with the last, or the original, because I haven't seen any of them. For me, reality television is watching the Diamondbacks lose to the Padres AGAIN.

So, if I'm not watching reality TV or campy sci-fi, what HAS been filling my TiVo? Well, a cursory review of my "Now Playing" list and season passes will lead you inevitably to two conclusions:

1. I have young children.
2. I am NBC's bitch.

Although I successfully weaned myself from "Must See" Thursdays and Tuesdays years ago, I am completely at the mercy of all three Law & Order franchises. And the newer the franchise, the better. Vincent D'Onofrio of L&O: Criminal Intent SHOULD come off as the consummate actor/narcissist, shoving David Caruso violently from that mountaintop. I rue the day he finally shows up on Inside the Actor's Studio and I have to hear him talk about his research and preparation process. But on Sunday nights, he is the perfect 21st century combination of Columbo and Sherlock Holmes.

Oh, and don't get me started on The West Wing. I know I'm SUPPOSED to be over my "Aaron Sorkin" phase. I'm SUPPOSED to be disappointed about how much worse the last two seasons of tWW have been than Sports Night was. And I'm definitely NOT supposed to be disappointed that CSI: Miami (oh, there's another group of shows that I've not watched an episode of) stole the actress who played the only sympathetic Republican character on the show. But I am. Pity me.

Is there anything on my TiVo (other than, of course, my girls' episodes of Spongebob Squarepants, Powerpuff Girls and Dora the Explorer) that I'm NOT ashamed of? Well, I do manage to squeeze in The McLaughlin Group every Friday evening (before L&O: SVU, of course), and The Daily Show still fails to disappoint. Unfortunately, I think it's fair to say that the positive effects of both of those shows are easily offset by my nightly dose of Jimmy Kimmel.

So, in deference to James, I feel an obligation to form:

* The Coalition of Viewers Who Know Better But Watch Anyway

I need a hug. Rory, dump that loser Jess and get back together with Dean before it's too late! [sigh]


Tuesday, May 20, 2003
 
In addition to echoing David's praise for Apple's iTunes Music Service, I would like to add an endorsement of my own favorite on-line music service, eMusic. While eMusic doesn't have the extensive major label support that Apple has gained (and likely never will - they're currently owned by Universal), they also have over 200,000 songs available for download and, according to their website, music from over 900 label partners.

eMusic is a subscription service, charging $15/month if you make a three-month commitment, or $10/month if you commit to a full year, but the downloads are unlimited and they are distributed in an unencrypted MP3 format, so you are not limited to using the files only on registered Macs and iPods. This is valuable to me, because I have a 20GB Neo Car Jukebox in my car that won't play the AAC files used on the Apple service.

They don't have anywhere near the "popular new music" selection that Apple has, but I don't like the music those damn kids listen to these days anyway. So far, I've downloaded six songs from the iTunes Music Service. In the two years I've been an eMusic subscriber, I've probably averaged around ten full albums per month. Because there's no incremental cost "per download", I am much more inclined to download an album by an artist that I've never heard before and give them a chance. For jazz fans, they've got lots of "old school" jazz like Miles Davis, Thelonious Monk, John Coltrane, etc.

This week, they released over a hundred records from the "Beggars Group" of independent labels, including 4AD and Beggars Banquet. So, lots of independent music from Bauhaus, Cocteau Twins, Love and Rockets, Kristin Hersh/Tanya Donnelly/Throwing Muses, Dead Can Dance, This Mortal Coil, The Pixies, etc. Yippee!

Other bands I've downloaded from eMusic: Camper Van Beethoven, Frank Black and the Catholics, They Might Be Giants, Yo La Tengo, Negativland, Steeleye Span, Jello Biafra, Echo & The Bunnymen, The Residents, Dave Brubeck, Violent Femmes, The Posies, Patsy Cline, John Hiatt...

For me, I find the services complimentary - by using a combination of eMusic, iTunes Music Service, and half.com, I can get just about any music I ever want to listen to without having to shovel $18 a disc to Tower Records or Virgin Megastore, and I don't have to deal with the attitude from Zia Records
employees, either.


 
It's the last day of Buffy. If you know what I mean, go check out Teevee. If you don't, move along, there's nothing to see here.


Wednesday, May 14, 2003
 
I think it would be more "hip" (although considerably less effective) if Hugh would just have everyone use the Latin phrase for "Carthage must be destroyed!" as CODE for "the power of the Democratic party must be destroyed".

Perhaps a little too subtle for talk radio. Hugh's a good guy, though. On the other end of the spectrum, there's the horrifying Ann Coulter, the Republicans' hideous answer to James Carville.


Sunday, May 11, 2003
 
The recipe I posted here is as close to one as I have. This place calls it a Hi-Fi, but I haven't seen that anywhere else. I forget what Ciudad called it. It's a good looking drink--a whole sliced orange in an old-fashioned glass, with superfine sugar in between, crushed ice and Cachaca to the top.


Saturday, May 10, 2003
 
The drink I describe below is similar to the Caipirinha, only using oranges instead of limes. I don't know its name. It's a surprising drink--bright, refreshing and tropical. It's nothing like a screwdriver, probably because it's using fresh oranges muddled with sugar instead of Minute Maid. And the hot Cachaca (hot in the sense of alcoholic, not temperature) offsets the sweetness perfectly.

Ciudad has good Caipirinha too, but their Mojitos were disappointing. They are good, but the mint is finely chopped and mixed in the drink. They are far better at Memphis in Costa Mesa; there, as the name somewhat suggests, they make it is a Southern muddled-mint julep style. They are excellent, but it is also the case that the bartender there is outstanding.


Friday, May 09, 2003
 
Some people believe free trade is the solution for almost all problems.

I am one of them.

This proposal is brilliant.


 
Then I made a drink with Cachaca (the second "c" should have one of those little Portuguese squiggles under it; Cachaca means "burning water" in Portuguese, and man is that true) which is a Brazilian cane sugar alcohol. That site I just linked to is right about not drinking it straight. But I made a variation on a drink I had at Ciudad last week, made with sliced oranges, stacked with superfine sugar in between, crushed ice on top, a couple of shots of Cachaca, muddled and leisurely sipped. It's very good, especially after a martini. Now, my girlfriend is making margaritas.

I love my girlfriend.


 
I just got back from Hi-Time and made a martini with Sarticious and Vya in a four to one ratio, with two pimentos stuffed olives. It was good. And all Californian.

P.S. I guess the Blogger ads are determined by words in your blog. Because before, it was advertising those Iraq wanted playing cards. Now, it's showing an ad for martini glasses. I'm O.K. with that. Then I got an ad for a site (which I won't link to) advertising vermouth sprayers. Bleh.


 
My girfriend is a librarian. She sent me this.

I love my girlfriend.


Wednesday, May 07, 2003
 
Ben mentions below that a martini requires vermouth. This is more than tradition; the flavor is critical. But why does vermouth have such a bad reputation? For example, this gallery of abominations has a recipe that make the tired joke about waving the vermouth bottle over the glass. But vermouth is really good stuff; I doubt most people who follow fashion have ever tried vermouth by itself. It's a spiced fortified white wine, and its flavor isn't very complex, but it's not bad.

I suspect that part of the problem is that there aren't really any fancy vermouths. The wonderfully odd Bonny Doon made something like a vermouth, Montonico, but it's a stretch to call it vermouth even though it makes an interesting martini. Cook's Illustrated conducted a tasting of dry vermouths, and the winners were Gallo and Noilly Prat, both less than $7 for a 750ml bottle. It's hard to get snobby about that. I urge you to buy a new bottle of Gallo Extra Dry Vermouth, a good gin, and make a 3 to 1 martini to see why vermouth was there in the first place. It may not convince you to always use that ratio, but it should convince you that 35 to 1 is silly, and drinking straight gin is no martini.

Update: So I had TVLand on in the background, and just heard Mr. Howell say "The perfect martini must be 15 parts..." then he trailed off. Then he said "And now for the vermouth..." and he picked up a little sprayer, and sprayed it around and up in the air.
What a damn savage.

Another Update: Of course, someone is making an upscale vermouth. Maybe it will be the next vodka.


 
Salam Pax is back!


Tuesday, May 06, 2003
 
I'm a big fan of Apple's new iTunes Music Store. Or I should say that I'm a big fan of its potential; it does seems to be off to a roaring start, but I hope Apple keeps improving it to keep the momentum going.

The pricing is perfect--I've been suggesting the $1/song price for a long time. My friend Robert pointed out the concern: this is just a starting price. But I doubt the price will go up soon, especially if some competition starts up (speculation is that Apple gets about 40 cents of the 99 cents, on average--less for newer songs).

It is still is a little clunky. It has a few bugs (although remarkably few) and the pricing is a little odd in some cases--like paying 99 cents for a very short song, and then being able to buy both sides (each is one track) of Firesign Theater's "Don't Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me the Pliers" for $1.98 (this is good, because you'll need at least $20 worth of marijuana to find the album really funny).

The biggest flaw, though, is the lack of selection. 200,000 songs is a heck of a lot, but the selection is skewed towards baby boomer favorites (with some big gaps, like the Rolling Stones). If Apple really wants to be on the cutting edge, they should look other places. For example, I just went to the store and Coldplay is the big picture on the home screen. If Apple wants the next Coldplay, they should go to where Coldplay was first played (try to say that three times fast). They should check out the KCRW playlists. KCRW is one of L.A.'s Public Radio stations (and not even the best one, except for music). I listen to KCRW streaming audio and archived shows through iTunes almost as much as I listen to my own music. If Apple gets some of these songs--or even better, negotiates better rates to put these artists on the iTunes store before they break big--I'd buy a lot more music there.

One reason that KCRW is important is that stuff that gets played there is often picked up by KROQ, L.A.'s big alternative station (where Carson Daly, Kennedy, Jimmy Kimmel, and some other VJs I forget got their start). KROQ playlists are imitated by MTV and alternative radio across the country.

The other place that Apple should be looking is in songs used in commercials. I have no shame in hearing about bands from, say, Mitsubishi (find a list of their songs here) because the music directors of advertising firms have a lot more freedom than a Clear Channel disk jockey. They are out finding the really innovative stuff that people will be listening to in a few months. Apple should be doing that too, if they want to realize the real potential of the iTunes Music Store.


Thursday, May 01, 2003
 
Oh, delicious irony. Delight in this quote from the Associated Press via Netscape:

Kozer said she only agreed to pose for Playboy if the photos entailed no full-frontal nudity. ``I was a women's studies major,'' she said Monday night at a party celebrating her appearance.

Congratulations, Sarah. Because of your staunch commitment to not displaying every square inch of your nakedness, I'm sure not a single Playboy subscriber will look at your photos, spank the monkey, and think of you as a sex object. This dovetails nicely with your work as the "slurp and gulp" girl on Joe Millionaire. Oh, and the fetish film. Make sure you keep your calendar clear for that Ms. magazine woman of the year photo shoot...